?

Log in

[icon] I've been on the verge of tears all day, I've been crying since last… - Enchanted Escapes Herbals
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.

Security:
Time:08:52 pm
Current Mood:sadsad
I've been on the verge of tears all day, I've been crying since last night and can't seem to shake this feeling of dread that has come over me. All my emotions have been pushed to the limit and it's only Monday. Last week I was screamed at by a colluege and it gave me my first white hair. The stress of dealing with that, coupled with having to say goodbye to a very close friend, a family member's constant turmoil and my husbands battle with manic depression must be taking it's toll on my nerves. I felt like I could have an anxiety attack today and I just could not get into the routine of my work. I just don't feel very positive right now. Erik is going in for a psychiatric evaluation tomorrow at the hospital, he's been suicidal lately and I'm very frightened for him. His medication isn't working and his mood swings still come at random, catching me off gaurd and saddening me to no end. I just want to have some balance in our lives, I don't want to have this persistant fear of not knowing what he's going to do or say next. It's costing him his job and it's causing our relationship to strain. It hurts very much right now.

My sister is going through alot of problems too, but I feel unable to be there for her as I might if I weren't dealing with so many of my own issues right now. I feel bad that I've been short with her but I just can't handle the burden of her pain, on top of my own, it's too much to deal with. It feels like I walk alone half the time, that I always stand for everyone else, but no one walks beside me. I'm always ready with a listening ear, but when I open my mouth, where are the ears for me? I'm always everyone's strength, the one they count on to be rational and lead the way, but I'm feeling really lost right now. I've never really had to deal with mental illness before and I'm scared.

My friend Jen's dad killed himself when she was 7 years old, he hung himself in his bedroom. Jen's mom found him, he was a Vietnam vet and they had alot of problems. I could never imagine being a little kid and hearing that your parent killed themselves, would you blame yourself? This is why I need to fix this now. I think I might be pregnant and if I'm not, I really want to get pregnant very soon, but I need to get Erik to wellness before this happens.
comments: Leave a comment Previous Entry Share Next Entry


spinster
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-01 04:51 am (UTC)
If you are pregnant I am glad for you.

"I'm always everyone's strength, the one they count on to be rational and lead the way, but I'm feeling really lost right now."

I have felt that way many times in the past, that is why I am unable to handle my own drama, because I'm so used to handling everyone else's. Sadness, fear, and pain are terrible things to live with. I am sorry I have not been so supportive, but I am too fragile to lean on at this point. I wish I was my old self again. Someone positive and compassionate, but I am bitter and angry, and I feel the only advice I could offer would stem from my own rage and spite. I guess the only thing worth saying is that it takes a lot of tolerance and acceptance to deal with an ill lover, but you may have to consider the emotional consequenses as I did not.
(Reply) (Thread)

dark_moon69
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-01 01:30 pm (UTC)
What a coincidence. Some one I know is married to some one bipolar, and he's in the hospital right now for because he's been really depressed and suicidal.

I feel that the only advice that can be given is to try and be strong. Some times it gets really hard, especially when you're dealing with some one who has bipolar disorder and you have everyone else yelling at you too. But in the end, you begin to know more about your boundaries, how you much you can or can't take. If you manage to get through all the obstacles it must be the best feeling in the world, knowing that you were strong enough to make it through. If you can't, it means you probably need to reflect more a little bit, perhaps you're not ready for a certain commitment(s) just yet?

Right now you need a good smudge, meditation, and a nice long soak : )
(Reply) (Thread)


herbal_beauty
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-07 11:41 pm (UTC)
Hey,

Sorry I didn't write back right away, as you probably understand, it's been kinda hectic around here. But I think Erik is finally on the right track. Thank you so much for your insights, you surprise me because I don't think I was quite as aware when I was 17. Thank you for reminding me to reflect inward and remember my spiritual frame! :) Hugs!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

dark_moon69
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-12 11:36 pm (UTC)
No problem. Lately I've been struggling to remember to reflect. I've been very hectic as well, especially since I babysit for some one who is married to some one bipolar.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

dark_moon69
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-01 01:30 pm (UTC)
P.S. I hope you are pregnant : ) Congratulations if you are.
(Reply) (Thread)


herbal_beauty
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-07 11:37 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm not pregnant, but I'm going to keep on trying!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

dark_moon69
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-08-12 11:38 pm (UTC)
Good luck : ) Perhaps I can find some thing for fertility. I read about some herbs that could help. I look that up when I find my book : )
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

[icon] I've been on the verge of tears all day, I've been crying since last… - Enchanted Escapes Herbals
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.